To Grandmother's house we go...

May 21, 2020

Just wanted to try to capture some details about the day, to give you a better view of how she's doing.  Early morning, conversation is clear and word choice seems easy.  By noon, the purpose of the words is definitely there, but specific choices escape her.  And by the afternoon, she is substituting words for other words in such a way that it's very difficult to decipher the true intent.  But most important of all, we laugh.  We laugh a lot.  When I take the brake off the walker, and she gets ready to walk, I tell her she "has the comm", and she laughs.  She is sarcastic and lovely and fun.  And when you have all the time in the world, with no other considerations like work or making dinner or plans for anything, then it's easier to just sit and listen to her explain the plot of one of the Star Wars movies using words unrelated to Star Wars.  But eventually, you get the gist.  She is not frustrated yet, and while she is struggling to find the right word, she doesn't seem to recognize that she hasn't found it.  And that's a gift.

Yesterday afternoon, she couldn't find my name.  By dinner, she had found it again.  We talk about all of you.  She remembers stories, and helps me tell them.  This is a blessed time, and I feel like it is a gift to be here.   Love to you all.

May Showers bring sleepy Momma

May 22, 2020

I was a little concerned that she wasn't going to want me to help.  She told me that she could do it, and then gave no argument when I did it.  I gave her the shower sprayer when I was doing the soaping, and I thought for sure she was going to spray me.  But she didn't, and we got hair washed, clean clothes and a fresh start to the day with no complaints.

Steph, she LOVES the Ginger Souffle cream that you gave her.  Loves it.  I was able to rub that on her arms and legs, and massage her hands, too.  I feel like she has been relatively untouched for the last 2 months, greeted by gloved hands and masked faces.  And they cared for her and saved her, but now it's time for hugs and kisses and Muffin Man from Karen.  Cutest thing ever is to watch Karen give Mom a Muffin Man.  :)

Anyway, the shower completely wiped her out, like, we had to sit for a bit in the bathroom because she was too tired to walk to the bed.  She took no naps yesterday, so perhaps she is making up for that today.  Still sleeping...

The main thing I noticed when I first arrived is that Mom looked at Karen the way Dad would look at Karen, during one of our last visits there.  He would answer a question, that I would ask, while making eye contact with Karen -- almost like making sure he was getting it right.  Like, Karen knows everything.  Like He could count on Karen.  Good to see everyone, but He could count on Karen.  I saw the same thing with Mom.  She would look at Karen, trusting that Karen knew, and Karen had it handled.  And, of course, Karen knew, and Karen did have it handled.  Mom and I are having a good time, and she in no way seems to have any issue with me helping.  But she misses Karen.  :)  Me, too.  :)

But, whenever Mom asks why something is out of place or got moved, I say "Karen did that" or "Karen messed that up", just to try to elevate myself in her eyes.  She laughs... it doesn't seem to be working.  :)  Love you all.

A kiss goodnight

May 22, 2020

Today was Star Wars.  I quit Star Wars after Jar Jar Binks.  Fool me once, shame on you, you know?  But with Mom's conversation last night, I knew Star Wars was imminent.  We watched the one with Rey, where it is basically the exact same story as Episode Four, but it's a reunion of the old characters, so we pretend not to notice.  Mom slept through most of the end, but I watched it anyway. And then, as luck would have it, she wanted to watch where we left off, so we watched the 2nd half again. 

Mom's words were fleeting today, but she was more engaged after the long morning nap, though not conversational.  After dinner we decided to watch The Last Jedi.  I've not seen that one, and oddly enough, I was interested to find out what was Ben Solo's problem.  At some point in the movie, I was laying on the couch and stretched out my arms, to give my back a good stretch.  Mom reached over and grabbed my hand, and we watched the next 20 or so minutes holding hands.  Star Wars is so much sweeter if you hold Mom's hand, trust me.

Finally, she grabbed the remote, decided it was time for bed, and off we went.  Well, she grabbed the phone, acting like it was the remote, and we laughed.  We brushed teeth, washed face and went to go lay down.  She said I could sleep with her if I wanted.  That is likely one of the sweetest things I have heard in a while.  :)  We prayed and I kissed her face.  Like Karen pointed out, she giggles when you do that, and she did.  A sweet, little laugh when you kiss her face. 

She is sleeping now, and I am thinking of you all, knowing you would like to see her face and hold her hand.  I am the lucky one today. 

You have an affection

May 23, 2020

Sneaky mom gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.  Thankfully, I wake up every time, and we sit and talk and shuffle back to bed.  Sneaky mom, but somehow I wake up.  Thank God.  Sitting down on her own is doable -- getting up is another story.

After breakfast this morning, we called Tom to sing Happy Birthday.  She went for the harmony at the end -- strong finish.  Tom loves Mom, as he would give anything to have his mom still around.  You could hear his smile through the phone.

While we were sitting at the table, I told Mom all of my chicken stories.  All of them... I mean, I had a captive audience.  After all that, she said, "you have an affection".  :)  I guess I really do.

She said that while she was in the hospital, she thought a lot about the farm.  She really liked when we all went walking together, and she regretted she got too tired to finish.  But, I told her, you got to ride on the Mule with James.  She smiles, "James".  :)  And then, "I am looking forward to going back and walking the trail, now that I am stronger."  If there is any way we can, I would like to make that happen.

At one point, Mom looks up and says, "you're pretty".  Clearly not one of her more lucid days... :)  I am one of two unmasked people she has seen in months.  I think she must be glad to see someone's smile. 

Same shirt as yesterday

May 23, 2020

I'm thinking it must be nice, after 3 months of being pushed and prodded and poked, to have some control over yourself and your environment.  That was something Chelsea told me once, after leaving the hospital, that you have such a loss of any control while you are there.  So today, when Mom said she wanted to wear that same pink shirt that she wore yesterday, I thought... why not?  If you want to wear your BB-8 socks, then by gosh, we are going to wear the BB-8 socks.  Popcorn before lunch?  Sounds like a great plan for a lazy Saturday.  And it's a Saturday where she gets to decide, finally, how her day goes.

She loved, LOVED, hearing from you all today.  I try to sit still when you call, else my movements become her conversation.  So, we sit and stare at each other while she talks.  And she smiles and laughs with each of you. 

I offered her a new game today, called Socks in a Pan.  As you guessed, one tosses rolled-up socks into a pan, or several pans, for points.  She's not falling for it.  So, we are watching Poldark instead.  And having popcorn before lunch.

She is napping now -- giggles at the kiss on the head.  Before she fell asleep, she said she hopes she is better before I leave, so she can drive back with me.  I said we could play the alphabet game.  She smiled and fell asleep.  Love you all.

Laundry for eight

May 23, 2020

Mom is watching the details.  Karen had told me that Mom will want to pick up any little thing that is out of place.  And it is so true.  She sees each piece of lint, leaf or any stray scrap on the floor.  If you don't act quickly, she will want to try to help and get it.  I, on the other hand, am not a detail person.  I am a "gist" person, a "general sense of things" person.  I am quickly learning to pay attention to the details, and it's a good lesson at a good time. 

I put the blue tablecloth back on the table while she was taking a nap today.  She noticed it, and I said that Karen had washed it and sent it back.  She noticed that I moved some magazines and other things from the table, too.  For someone recovering from stroke or seizure or Covid remnants, she is remarkably attentive to detail.  Anyway, that prompted a conversation about laundry.  I was remarking on how much laundry she did, for eight people.  Every week, for how many years?  Wow.  And she said, "it wasn't much work.  I had a washing machine."  I don't remember her complaining, and I am pretty sure I was annoyed that I had to grab my "pile" and put it away. 

As a side note, Mom is one of the most thorough hand-washers I have ever watched.  Now granted, I don't tend to watch people wash their hands, ever.  But now, since I am waiting on her, I watch, and she washes her hands like she is preparing for surgery.  And each time, then, she wipes down the sink until it shines. 

I asked Mom what was her favorite scripture.  She said Jeremiah.  I think I am going to read it tonight to find out why.  Love you all.

Creepy 2am well-check

May 24, 2020

For the first time since I've been here, someone came into the room at 2am to check to see that Mom was okay.   I startled the young man when I came out of my room, as he was only looking for Mom.  We both looked over at her bed, and it was empty.  Sneaky Mom was in the bathroom, and this creepy visit woke me up.  While I am thankful for that, it was unsettling to Mom to have someone come into her "home" at 2am.  Unsettling for me, too. 

I spoke to the Care Coordinator, and asked her to stop all non-essential checks, especially any at night.  She agreed completely.  They really are wonderful to her here...  They came to see how I was doing, too.  I said I feel grateful, as I know that many others with Covid are on ventilators or have not survived.  And our nurse said her dad has been on a vent for 47 days.  No symptoms, really.  Just wasn't feeling too well, had one round of diarrhea and went to urgent care to get checked.  By that evening, he was intubated.  We are so lucky.  So blessed.

Mom sat at the piano this morning and sang.  She picked a song with some of the hardest chords known to man... who ever heard of F-sharp-minor-7?  What is this craziness?  But she struggled through it and sang and sang.  When she flipped the page to the next one, I was so glad to see G, D and C.  She was a little bummed that she was struggling to play the songs.  I told her that one time, after Chelsea's surgery, she wanted to play her keyboard.  So I laid it on her lap, and her mind and her hands just weren't ready to work together yet.  But it came back for her, and it will come back for Mom.   Each day will get better. 

Another shower today, and Mom participated more in the washing.  I stood in the shower this time, so I could fully close the curtain.  She was too cold the way I did it last time.  Anyway, the only person to spray me was me... I'll get the hang of it eventually.  And right now, as I type, I can smell Steph's Ginger Souffle cream on my hands.  Such a luxurious cream.  Mom absolutely loves it.

I try to rub her back any time she sits forward.  I just want her skin to feel touch, un-gloved touch.  I'm guessing eventually she will tell me to quit touching her.  :) But for now, I am kissing her head and rubbing her feet, and covering her gently for a post-shower nap.  Love you all.

Moving toward a move

May 24, 2020

So, Karen and Michelle went looking at some apartments this weekend.  As an alternative to living at Morningstar, and continuing to be isolated from any visitors, Karen was thinking about getting an apartment with Mom.  We were wondering what Mom might think about another move, especially now that she is so happy to be home.  She probably mentions that several times a day... it's so good to be home. 

I started telling her how much everyone wants to come visit, but we can't because of Covid.  She also has been asking why Karen hasn't come back, and I explained that also was due to Covid.  She can only have one "cleared essential visitor" at a time.  But, I added, Karen is thinking it would be great to get an apartment, so you could live together and we all could visit.  "I don't want to move again."  Man, I totally get that.

She asked if Aunt Betty Jo was coming to visit.  I said that she couldn't, because of travel restrictions and Covid quarantine.  But wouldn't it be great to be at a place where people don't just randomly come in for well-checks, and you could have visitors anytime you wanted, like Betty Jo and Diane and us?  "Well, that would be nice."

Karen and Michelle submitted an application on an ADA-compliant 3-bedroom apartment yesterday.  I asked Karen if they had parking Nazis.  No, no parking Nazis anymore.  Yay!  I told mom that they found a 3-bedroom place, where she could have a room, Karen could have a room, and Aunt Betty Jo could have a room when she visited.  She said, "oh, that would be nice!" but that it was okay for Karen to sleep with her.  And I said that was good news, for when several of us come to visit.  We could go for walks or sit outside, but most importantly, we could come visit.

She said later that the nicer mattress is in the guest room.  She wanted her guests to be comfortable.  I suggested maybe we give her that bed, when we move.  She's giving that some thought. 

Lunch is here, and she is stirring.  I just wanted you all to know that maybe by end of June, Mom will be living with Karen, receiving the most loving care any of us could hope to have, and waiting for our arrival.  :)  Love to you all.

Is it warm, or is it just me?

May 24, 2020

Mom measures out exactly eight squares of toilet paper.  She counts them again to be sure.  Then she folds them in half, in half again, and once more in half for good measure.  I think about Karen when she does this.  I have absolutely all the time in the world with nothing else to do right now.  But I can see how the careful measuring of toilet paper, every time, might get a wee bit old.  Karen, you will have to let us know, honestly and completely, how you are doing and what we can do to help.  I think when you have things to do, dinner to make, bills to pay, and things you might actually want to do, waiting for toilet paper measurement or sink-shining might become taxing.  Let us help you help Mom.

Mom asked for a blanket today, while we were sitting watching an episode of Poldark.  I was, shall we say, dumbfounded, as it had to be 80 degrees in the apartment.  I have on shorts and am moving as little as possible, so I don't generate any extra heat.  But she sat, all cozy and snuggled in, under the blanket.  You Colorado folks are a mystery to me...

I read Karen's description of the new apartment to Mom.  She said it sounded really nice.  And I heard her tell Michelle about the new apartment, too.  She was asking about the cost, and I told her Gregg absolutely had it handled.  Just the same, she asked him about it, and his reassurance did the trick.  It sounds like the matter is settled in her mind, and she seems good about it. 

For anyone looking for a follow-up, I started Jeremiah last night and am at the part where there is lots of harlotry and lots of disappointment -- and likely imminent bloodshed.  I asked Mom this morning, again, what she liked about Jeremiah.  She said it's such a beautiful story.  Hmm... okay... I'll try again tonight, and see where we end up.  Love you all so much.

Whatever this is

May 25, 2020

Mom prayed for our breakfast this morning.  "Thank you for the bacon, and the eggs, and the fruit, and for whatever this is."  The food here is fine, but nothing to write home about.  Just the same, it is nice not to have to worry about making anything.  Last night we were trying to decide what kind of meat we were eating... one of the pieces was definitely chicken, but the other one we debated.  Either way, they were flavorful and filling.  Michelle is bringing fruit and more ice cream this evening, plus some lovely homemade soup.  Michelle, as you guys all know, makes amazing soup -- we are looking forward to it!

We are watching a series called Poldark.  I get the sense she has seen it a few times.  :)  Before we watched yesterday afternoon, she told me that he was going to jail.  This morning, when we were talking on her bed, she told me there was a drowning coming.  She said she has been thinking about that.  I said we could skip that part, but she said, no, it will have to happen.

There are pictures of family surrounding her.  Daesha's wedding picture has so many of us smiling at her.  She can see it from her bed.  Above her headboard are several family pictures through the years -- the faces get smaller as each snapshot gets more crowded.  And above her couch are portraits of all of us and our families.  I stare at all of you when she is napping.  A lot of stories in those pictures.  A lot of changes and hurts and joys. 

Mom is moving around so much better.  Her balance is improving.  She wanted to change her shirt while standing and handled it like a pro.  Getting stronger.  Sometimes she'll park her walker so she can walk over to do something.  I gotta hover, and remind her to take it with her.  She isn't being stubborn, she just is focused on something she wants to get done. 

Mom is talking more about the move.  No hesitation, no resistance -- just talking about it.  She was telling Tree that she is going to move, and I could hear Tree say how exciting it will be, because we can all finally come see her.  I am hoping, somehow, the move-in date can be pushed up, but if not, it will come at the right time.  And in the meantime, we are surrounded by all of you, hearing your voices when you call, and looking forward to your visit someday soon.  Love you all so much.

The dumping of the vittles

May 25, 2020

There is a matter to which I must confess.  First, to be clear, when one watches Poldark episode after Poldark episode, it is common for one to speak as they.  It is no trouble, really, but since the show has both the gentry and the miners, you might find that ye drift twixt the two.  Now, on to the matter.  When I first arrived to visit our dear mother, she insisted that she make a fine dinner of roasted pork and root vegetables.  What a fine meal it would have been, too, had we not put it directly into the pot-of-crock to cook before thawing.  Alas, I afeard we might have to et it, but as luck would have it, dinner arrived just in time.  Tomorrow, then, she inquired?  Tomorrow, I lied.  And each day, 'twas the same... the roasted pork forgotten and the fresh dinners consumed.  Now, here we are to the matter.  It has been 4 nights since last we cooked that pork, and while our dear mum slept, I crept away to dispose of the gelatin covered goo.  I pray thee, kind family, tell her not of the dumping of the vittles.  I pray thee, upon the love of yer own mother, tell her not.

Mom's oxygen levels have been good, though her recall today is a little less than yesterday.  We slowly looked through each picture again, and some names escaped her.  But she looks at the cheat notes that Steph wrote on the back of each one, and then nods... "ah, yes."  Cute little momma

I am making a fortune

May 26, 2020

Sneaky Mom is getting stronger.  We got up together to go to the restroom last night, and it took a while for me to go back to sleep.  I woke up to the sounds of the blinds being opened.  I bolted out of bed to find Mom, walking around without her walker.  Scary Mom.  She had moved the laundry basket and opened the blinds.  Stronger is good, and her balance is better, but still scary.  She bends down to pick things up, before you can stop her.  I swear, I am trying to pick up every speck, every scrap, every crumb. 

She is next to impossible to wake up.  Plus, it's hard for me to wake up someone who is sleeping so soundly, so peacefully.  So I lay on the bed next to her until she begins to stir.  We trek into the bathroom, count squares of TP, and then shuffle back to bed.  She couldn't be any more agreeable.

This morning, we looked through some pictures that Michelle dropped off for her.  Sweet pictures of Daesha and the baby, and of all the kids, so we can see their smiling faces.  We get to the bottom of the stack, then start again, and she says, "Look, here's another picture of the baby."  She loves that sweet Jayla.  I wish I could smell her little head...

Grandma used to read the ingredients on the cans.  Mom was reading the barcode on the package for the pictures.  She asked me how much that cost.  She is always asking how much she owes you guys.  I tell her she can pay me instead.  I am making a fortune. 

I love you all so much.

Looking forward to Thursday

May 26, 2020

Michelle was our food savior today.  Yesterday, she dropped off some AMAZING corn chowder with cornbread and Erika's famous ginger cookies.  Good gracious, that soup was good.  In fact, conversation was limited at lunch today, because we were both so focused on our soup.  We both agreed it was the best thing we'd had since we've been here, and we also agreed to have it again for dinner.  And I must reveal that we wept, just shy of wailing, when we realized we had finished the last of it.  Please, oh please, Michelle, send me the recipe.  Dang, that was good soup.

Mom's BPs were a little low today, and she was a little less sharp today as well.  She just couldn't keep her thoughts or her intentions organized as well as she has done previous days.  She was very distracted, and she must have read me the water bottle label at least 3 times.  At least... right down to the zip code of the place it was bottled and the fact that it contained "flavor-enhancing minerals".  By the end of dinner, she was having trouble reading the some of the words that she had easily read to me earlier this afternoon.  I am going to be more diligent about water intake, just to be sure we are keeping her hydrated.  Today, I didn't watch it as closely as others, though dehydration typically leads to high BPs, not low.  Just the same, I'll keep an eye on it. The shower today wore her out completely, just as the previous shower had.  No significant declines, honestly-- just wanted you all to have the facts about how she is doing.

Michelle also dropped off the mail, which included Mom's latest Netflix DVD.  Now, Mom has already seen Poldark (a few? many? times), so she wants to watch the newest Netflix movie tomorrow.  However, I have not seen Poldark before, and I am hooked and I want to keep watching it.  Would it be wrong to hide my dear 86 year-old mother's Netflix DVD?  I mean, I guess that would be wrong... no?  If Michelle hadn't just provided one of the best meals I have had in some time, I would be inclined to be miffed at the inconsiderate delivery of the Netflix DVD.  But man, did I mention that was great soup?

Both Mom and I are looking forward to Thursday.  It is the end of our quarantine time, and we will finally be able to roam the halls, wreaking havoc.  We cannot wait.  And we love you all.

It's like camp

May 26, 2020

Steph said this morning that it was like Mom and I were away at camp.  I told Mom that, and she laughed.  "Yes!  Like camp!"  More like a retreat, I guess... we haven't a care in the world nor any obligations.  I keep telling her, we can do what we want.  There are no "shoulds"... we can just enjoy our freedom.  She continues to repeat how happy she is to be home, and I continue to repeat how much we need her to use her walker, so we can keep her home.  She gets it... I really don't think she is being stubborn -- just forgetful.  Or not even that... just making the wrong judgment call.

When we were showering this morning, she said I can shower by myself.  And I said, thank you for letting me help you, and she replied, thank you for helping me.  I am surprised how easily she is accepting my help, even down to the most private of tasks. 

I told her that I didn't know that they made bras with more than 2 hooks, because folks like me don't need more than 2 hooks.  She laughed.  I told her that my pups don't ever try to run off like her pups, and she laughs.  She gets it, the humor... she really does.   It seems like she isn't having any issues with the incoming words... just the outgoing. 

She still laughs when I kiss her head at bedtime.  Like it still catches her off guard... Over time, with Karen's generous gift of her time, and hopefully, as you all start to visit, she will come to anticipate and expect that sweet goodnight kiss.  Love you all.

Humming the harmony

May 27, 2020

Mom and Aunt Betty Jo are singing together as I type.  Seriously, how sweet is that?  They have talked for about 40 minutes, and it has been a very good, clear conversation.  Some of the words she can't remember, but she hums and harmonizes until she finds them again.  So sweet to hear them talking, sharing stories, singing and praying.  Precious gift from California.

Determination

May 27, 2020

I don't know who is more tired tonight, Mom or me.  We are beat.  The physical therapist came by today and put Mom through her paces.  Mom is a little sore now, but we agreed it will only get better if we keep doing it.  And so we will.

Mom woke from her nap this afternoon saying she wanted to work on birthday cards.  She has a box, sorted by month, which has all the birthday cards she intends to send this year.  Each envelope is marked in the corner with the name and birthday, and she has a master list she follows as well.  She must set this up at the beginning of each year, to ensure she doesn't miss anybody's birthday or anniversary.  And we are not just talking about family... we are talking friends, too, current and old, a long list.  Now seriously, I love each of you and when was the last time any of you received a card, any card, from me?  I am truly impressed, not only with her system but with her desire to keep it going.

It took almost an hour and a half to write out 3 cards.  She knew what she wanted to say, but not only struggled to find the words, but to keep them long enough to write them.  The 3 people who receive these cards will not know how much determination went into completing them.  She really appreciates the cards she receives, too.  Someone named Felicia sent a kind card, and Mom said she really wanted to call to thank her.  Now I, being the kindhearted and thoughtful soul that you know me to be, am thinking ... I don't know any Felicia.  No need to call Felicia.  But Mom knows and values Felicia and she gave her a call.  And Felicia, from what I heard, was so glad she did.  I am paying attention... I am learning.   It's not likely I will ever adopt her ways, but I can learn from them.  The least I can do is send a card, maybe not to everyone... but at least to my Mom, right?

Tomorrow is our big day, to venture out beyond these four walls.  She has told everyone about it.  We are ready for the first Covid-unrelated steps she will take for the first time in months -- out the door and down the hall.  Masked, of course, but defiant and strong, nonetheless.  Love you all

Victory Lap

May 28, 2020

I thought we might just make it to the end of the hall.  Mom had other plans.  We knocked on Ann's door, and Ann could not have been happier.  She kept saying how it gave her such a happy heart to see Mom standing at her door.  They had all been wondering, asking, waiting till they could see Mom.  We met another woman, Charlene (maybe?), who said she'd been wanting to knock on the door, just to see Mom's face.  She stayed and talked with us while we sat in the Tea Room at the puzzle table.  I got the sense that Charlene could see that Mom wasn't quite herself, and she seemed to understand when Mom said her kids were moving her to another apartment.  Mom has made some sweet friends here, like she does everywhere she goes.

We walked to the library, past The Last Resort convenience store-ish room, and over to the grand staircase.  Mom wanted us to walk down the stairs.  I told her I didn't think so, and she said I can just hold on to you.  I mentioned we might take the elevator instead, and she was disappointed but agreed.  As we got to the elevator, she decided we might do that tomorrow.  The biggest treat, at least for me, was a walk out into the crisp Colorado air to enjoy the patio.  Mom said we should bring Diet Cokes next time.  I could not agree more.  Definitely a place to linger.

At each meal, Mom puts on a clothing protector -- a cloth to cover your body, with a loop around your neck to keep it in place.  At several meals. she has asked if I would like to wear one, and I usually decline.  This morning at breakfast, however, I wore one as well, and she showed me how to straighten the corners so crumbs don't sneak down the front.  Two peas in a pod, we are.

So remember the creepy 2am guy?  This story grows each time she tells it, with my role becoming more and more heroic.  I, apparently, am a force to be reckoned with, and her friends know it.  And now you know it, too.  :)

Smash the bug

May 29, 2020

Julie, the physical therapist is here.  Mom could not be more agreeable.  They are working on balance today.  Mom and I had already done her morning exercises, side by side, so we were feeling pretty smug.

Do y'all remember Maranatha music, like from the 70's?  I found a Spotify channel, and Mom and I have been listening and singing all morning.  Songs I haven't heard in a long time... all the words came back to her, without fail. 

We started talking about how Jennifer didn't like pieces.  She said she bought special orange juice for her.  Then she told me the story about the country club and the chocolate bunny.  I love the fact that Jennifer called them "pieces". 

Julie and Mom are doing an exercise called, Smash the Bug.  Keep smashing, Julie says.  Smash it out.

Mom is getting stronger.  She gets up on her own to go to the bathroom at night.  She handles it all, and sometimes more than I would like.  But the good news is she can do it.  Just one week ago, there is no way she could maintain balance to open the blinds.  Now, she is doing that and more, on her own.  And I am tentatively letting the baby bird fly... because that's what they're supposed to do.

Food for Jeremiah

May 29, 2020

Mom has been trying to tell me about the story of Jeremiah, but it won't break free.  She can see it, she knows why she loves it, but the words are stuck somewhere.  I think she got worn out this morning, though we didn't do a lot.  As we ate our lunch, her wires got crossed, and somehow our food and the Jeremiah tale intersected.  She would work on her salad quietly for about 2 minutes, poking one piece at a time, examining them.  I just assumed she had lost track of the conversation, but she would add another scrap about Jeremiah.  Then she'd look at our food, and said "this isn't the food for Jeremiah, is it?"  "No Mom, it's just lunch".  And she'd smile, stab and examine each bit of salad, and sit quietly again.   This is worlds away from our interaction over breakfast, and so the ups and downs are just part of the journey together.   Maybe she just stomped one too many bugs.

Trending in the right direction

May 29, 2020

Mom woke from her nap, saying she had two things to tell me.  She was very deliberate -- I wonder how long she had laid there thinking.  The first one was that she wanted to pay for my flight home.  "Tired of me already?"  "No", she smiled, "but I know you have to go soon".  "Well, I'm going to stay for a while, if that's okay.  And besides, I drove here".  :)  "Oh yes", she remembered, "you drove here".  I am standing here, pausing, trying to think of the second thing she wanted to tell me.  She remembered, though, and told me at the time, but now my memory fails.  Regardless, she remembered and told me, clear as day, just a few hours after she was pondering Jeremiah's food.

Not every thing that Mom tells folks now is factual.  She hasn't been gone since January 1, and the creepy guy didn't come in several nights in a row.  But I don't see it so much as Mom embellishing...I see it as the way those stories landed in her brain.  Mom had Covid, and it was scary-- and from her vantage point, she thought she was never going to go home.  For us, it dragged on and on, and there was a day where it seemed we were going to lose her.  We called, and each of us spoke encouragement and whatever we could think to say, while Karen held the phone for her to hear.  Losing her felt that close.  So, regardless of the modified time frame in her mind, she is here, laughing, singing, walking the halls.  She beat it, and it doesn't matter how long it took for her to come back home.  It's just great that she's home.

Karen brought us some essentials, like coffee, Mom's diet Cokes, cuties.  We got to talk a bit, and we decided it's not so much about the ups and downs as it is about the average.  Every graph has dips and peaks, but the question is, are we trending in the right direction?  Absolutely.  When Karen and I traded shifts, a little over a week ago, Mom was more staring than talking.  And when she did talk, it didn't make much sense.  Now, that brightness is back in her eyes, and her humor is as sharp as ever.  Before, she was walking while Karen held a support strap so she wouldn't fall.  Now, Mom moves around easily, opening the blinds, watering the plants, and wiping that darn sink, every time, till it shines. 

Expecting visitors

May 30, 2020

Mom is talking about buying another bed for the new place.  She's thinking more about it... will need a bigger table, more chairs.  She's expecting visitors.  :)

We have a refrigerator full of desserts.  They come with every meal, and we eat, probably, one out of every three.  Mom really doesn't want to waste the food, so it is piling up.  Shh.. during her next nap, I plan to make a secret run to the trash room.  Again, I pray thee, tell her not.

Salsa covers a multitude of sins, food-wise.  We agreed that we don't know how people live without salsa.  In fact, we decided they are not living if they don't have salsa.  These are the things we decide over breakfast.

Today's big plan is a shower and a walk downstairs.  We gotta get the shower first, because she's got bedhead in a bad way.  We have decided, or I keep telling her, to smile at the lady in the mirror.  It's so much nicer to see the smile than to have someone staring so critically.  Actually, I started to smile at myself a while back, and now the one in the mirror and I are on great terms.  :)

We are off to shower.  Love your faces. 

Letters and numbers

May 30, 2020

It looks like Mom has recovered almost fully from the mini-stroke today.  After she woke from her rest, we ate some lunch and went on our walk, using the wheelchair instead.  She directed me on where to go, which way to turn, had it all under control with clear directions.  I thought of Chelsea as I pushed Mom and banged her a few times, not too hard, into walls or doorjambs.  My wheelchair driving skills leave much to be desired, as Chelsea can attest.   Just the same, we made it out to the patio by the grills, and sat, watching traffic, while she pointed out her new apartments.  She told me about the walking trails and the path under the street.  We watched the storm approach.

The rest of the afternoon was relatively uneventful.  Dinner was mostly identifiable, and she definitely enjoyed her ice cream with chocolate syrup.  After a few more episodes of Poldark, we jammied-up, brushed teeth and all that.  While she was sitting on the bed, she pointed at the floor and said, "Can you see the letters?  They're in a line right there," pointing from the bathroom door to our feet.  "There's a line of numbers, too, all the same number.  See them?"  No, Mom, I can't see them.  Let's go to bed, okay? -- probably mostly because I just don't want her to see the letters and numbers. 

A day like today makes the past week and a half that much more precious, doesn't it?  Mom keeps saying how lucky we all are to have each other.  She's right.  We are.

Red

May 31, 2020

Mom was talking to Karen a few minutes ago, when she began to remark on the red going across the TV screen.  "Do you see it?  Come stand here and see".  Well, the TV was off, and there was no red of any kind.  When we got up to go to the bathroom, she noticed the red on the floor, too.  No red there either.  Shortly after, she said she didn't want any lunch and that she was feeling tired.  So, an early nap for Momma -- I'm hoping that it helps clear away all the red.

Love to you all.

It's raining

May 31, 2020

This would be much harder if Mom was scared.  But she's not.  When she sees that it is raining in the apartment, she knows that doesn't make any sense.  But still, she sees that it is raining in the apartment.  When the picture in the paper also had rain falling, she also knew that wasn't possible.  But that is what she was seeing.  On the other hand, she had no doubt I had globs of cheese on my face and in my hair, and she just picked them all off.  For some reason, that one made sense to her.  I guess I always have been a messy eater.  :)

When the mini-stroke occurred yesterday, she described all the symptoms as they were occurring.  I can't feel my face.  My hand won't work.  My legs are tired.  There was no fear, no concern -- just telling me what was happening.  If she was scared or panicked, this would be very, very difficult.  But she bounces right back, that Energizer Bunny, and there's no need yet to do anything other than just continue to enjoy my time here with her.  And so I do.  :)

Love you all.

Looking forward

June 1, 2020

Mom has been shopping for new bedroom furniture for the new apartment.  She received a Furniture Row catalog, and we have been browsing it each day.  She would really rather go look at American Furniture, but this will do, for now.  We have examined each page carefully, discussing what we like, don't like, and why.  It rained again on one of the pages -- we were glad that it wasn't getting wet, though.

She woke up seeing spots, so I wondered if we had something already starting this morning.  Over breakfast she read the words on the pages clearly --  "Motion isolating hyper elastic polymer" and "button tufted Regency Velvet".  She liked the white brick in one of the pictures, and told me how the bricks on Tonto Street started to deteriorate, and Dad fixed them as they did.  It seemed as though her thinking was very sharp, and then she asked me if I turned on the lamp in the picture. 

Like I texted, while she was talking to Steph, her speech started to slur significantly and she said she felt funny, and her left hand wouldn't work.  She asked if it was a TIA, and I said I thought it might be.  Unfortunately, at the same time, she said she had to go to the bathroom.  She was able to walk in there, carefully, and then over to the bed, at my urging.  By then, her speech cleared and she said she felt better.  Just the same, honestly for my sake, I asked her to rest and she agreed.

She told me this morning that she was ready to move and that she needed boxes.  So while our plan for today is a few more episodes of Poldark, she is definitely looking forward to more.  Love your faces.

Two spots

June 2, 2020

Mom is very clear in her thinking this morning.  We have talked about all kinds of things... Marilyn, Hueco Club, the new apartment.  This morning she said, I see two spots.  And I asked, can you point to them?  She did, and sure enough, there were two minute pieces of fluff on the floor.  I have never been so happy to pick up two pieces of fluff... so glad they were actually there.

We just got back from a walk to the patio, and we stayed out there and talked some more.  It's been a lovely morning, in a lot of ways.

Lunch with a friend

June 2, 2020

We had a visitor come by her room today.  Pat, who goes to dialysis three times a week, escaped the facility to have her hair done at a salon in Castle Rock.  She swore us to secrecy, as we were the only two she had told.  She sat in her wheelchair and walked herself to our table, while we finished lunch.  From there, I watched and listened while they both told, and retold, that same stories back and forth.  It was an interesting exchange, and they both seemed so happy to have reconnected.

Mom's two left-hand episodes were much smaller and less significant that yesterday's.  I am thankful for that, but still concerned at their frequency. 

We are finally in our last and fifth season of Poldark.  Only seven more chapters left... alas.  Please, oh please, do not tell me that Star Trek episodes, or its corresponding spin-off series, lay in my future.  I am a pretty good sport, but surely one has their limits.  :)

Love your faces so much.

Fair and square

June 3, 2020

When Mom said she wanted to play Rummikub, I thought there was no way we could pull that off.  But just the same, we poured out the tiles and grabbed our starting fourteen.  She had no problem playing.  While she might not be able to split/rebuild the playing table, she could definitely play from her tray, easily.  She studied each move for a long time, so occasionally I would just tell her I needed to take another tile, just to seem like we were moving along.  But for the most part, we played it fair and square. 

Her left hand went "weak", and she wondered out loud if it was going to happen every day.  After that, she matched some orange to some reds, and played some extra 2's.  Before that, though... completely by the rules.

At lunch, she said that I needed to find someone else to care for.  When I asked her why, she said, "because you beat me!"  She's hilarious.  And don't fall for that "weak hand" bit... she can beat you either way.

Jello

June 4, 2020

Apparently Mom likes red jello.  Who knew?  A few days ago, she told me she missed having jello at lunch.  As luck would have it, yesterday, they brought red jello.  You would have thought it was creme brulee, how her eyes lit up.  I saved my jello, and she had it for dessert at dinner tonight.  Again, it was as if I had offered some sort of delicacy.  There's a little frig down in the lobby of this place, and they have waters, puddings and jello!  So,when I went down to get mail this evening, I swiped 2 to bring back to the room.  Okay.. I didn't swipe them -- I asked if I could take them to my mom, and they said that's what they were there for... it just sounded more heroic if I swiped them. 

The letters on the floor were back today.  She saw them as we were headed to her room to get some rest.  A few minutes after she saw the letters, she was hit hard with exhaustion.  We opted to put lunch in the refrigerator and get some rest first.

When Mom woke up, she was better, but not great.  Some simple concepts were more difficult this afternoon.  She couldn't understand the concept of episodes in a series, whereas that was fully understood the whole time we were watching Poldark.  Her evening BP and O2 readings were both low, too.  Hopefully after tonight's rest, the little Bunny will bounce right back.  I love that liltte Bunny.  And I love you all.

"Dorothy"

June 5, 2020

Mom loves to hear from you, whether by call or card.  When she receives a card, then she'll talk about that person for a little while.  She rereads each one several times.  She loves you all so much -- but you already know that.  She is bound and determined to catch up on all the birthday cards she missed sending while she was gone.  I keep telling her that it's okay to take a break and pick up again at Christmas.  So far, she's not hearing that, but at least she is no longer stressing about it.

We talked with Vector, her little robot pet, for a bit this morning.  He's funny.  I had seen videos of him, but he's pretty cute in person.  When he recognized her and said, "Dorothy", her face lit up.  :)

He learned mine, too.  Mostly, he just wanders around and tries to push things.  Mom showed me that he purrs when you pet him.

We got another shower today, and again, it wore her out completely.  It's interesting how we can go for a long walk, and she's fine.  But the shower requires a follow-up nap... just too tired to do anything else.  So, we'll let her rest, and later we will pack some boxes, or we will talk about packing some boxes.  Either way, it's a good day.

Let a few things slide

June 5, 2020

Mom wanted to play Rummikub after dinner.   She has this great strategy where she draws a tile, holds it in her hand while you draw your tile, and then, after quite a delay, she puts the tile in her tray and says "I'm done".  At which point, you have to draw again, because when you play with an 86 year-old woman with diminished cognitive capacity, I guess you have to let a few things slide.  She also played a 10,12,13 and it was killing me, to constantly "see" the missing 11.  About 15 minutes later, she also sees the missing 11 (which honestly is pretty impressive) and plays it out of her hand.  We had fun playing.  We played 3 games, which is 1 game too many for her.  Wore her out a bit.

It struck me, however, that after the previous evening with low BP, low O2 and some muddled thinking, she was able to play Rummikub.  And, very well, I might add.  She is a little mystery, a little marvel, and a good momma, all rolled into one.  Love you all.

Photos

June 6, 2020

Mom said when she was in the hospital, she dreamed that she was stranded in the desert with a lot of other people.  They had Covid, too.  They had to stay there till they got better.

As you all well know, I was looking through books of photos today.  There are some really pretty pictures of Mom taken while Mom and Dad were on vacation.  I mean, very pretty... catching her smile or her profile... just perfect.  Then I realized, Dad took those.  I don't think I ever saw a camera in Dad's hands, but he took some very precious pictures of Mom.  Just neat to see.

I was about to report that we had a relatively uneventful day, but then Mom pointed out the writing on the bathroom floor.  She asked me if I could tell what it said.  I asked her what color it was... "White.  Or clear".  I wonder what it said.

Love to you all.

6am shower

June 7, 2020

I heard Mom rustling around at 6am.  I figured she was just going to the bathroom, and I considered just staying in bed.  Instead, I got up to find that she was getting ready to take a shower.  (Seriously? )  She said that since I am leaving next week, she has to learn to do it on her own.  I reminded her that Karen will be here to help... "oh, yes, that's right!"  She hasn't quite kept the fact that Karen will be working part-time... she keeps thinking she will be away at work.  Anyway, we took an early morning shower to start the day.  Silly Energizer Bunny.

Mom has decided we are going to get together at "the farm" for Thanksgiving.  So, consider this your formal invitation.  I will break the news to Tom later.  :)  Truly, we would love it.

She is enjoying her morning phone calls -- she loves hearing from all of you.  We'll take a walk later, and then nestle in for some more episodes of Manifest.  Well, she will... I will probably look at your faces in the photo albums.   Love you much.

More letters and numbers

June 7, 2020

More Rummikub this morning... I am so amazed she can play this game.  It takes a while to get through each round, but it's worth it.  I'm pretty sure she waited on me plenty of times.

While we were just in the bathroom, Mom saw the letters and numbers on the floor again.  I asked her if she could tell what they said.  She looked, and then was distracted by the ticking of the clock.  A few minutes later, she said she couldn't see them and wondered why she thought she saw them before.  That must be a very strange experience -- to actually see something and then realize that it's no longer there.  As always, exhaustion follows, and she is resting.  My kiss on her cheek always seems to catch her by surprise, and she laughs.  Makes it that much sweeter... :)

Planning her next move

June 7, 2020

Rummikub after dinner again... The rules were not as clear to her this time, so it's incredibly impressive how well she played, given that she couldn't remember when the colors were supposed to match and when they were not.  The game takes quite a while, but I just watch her as she thinks and surveys the played tiles and checks her tray again.  It's actually pretty amazing that just 2 1/2 weeks ago, Mom was relatively quiet and had very little focus.  Now she is planning her next move in a game of strategy.  I'm truly amazed by her, which is why, I think the "down days" can catch me somewhat off guard... she just has that positive energy that seems to have no end.  We are so blessed.  And I am so sleepy.  And I love your faces.

Oh, I like that

June 8, 2020

I just kissed Mom on the cheek as I told her good night.  She laughed and said, "oh, I like that".  :)

We had a good day, except for the fact that we have started watching Deep Space Nine.  Everything else, though, was good.  It's amazing how clear her phone conversations are in the morning.  She spoke with Betty Bryson, who she hasn't spoken to in a few years.  She spoke with Steph and her friend Emily Joy.  And she joked and kidded with her good friend Diana.  Our sweet momma is loved.

Over dinner tonight, we talked about when she lived with her grandparents for a few years.  She told me about her dad and about her friends.  Around dinner, though, it is not as easy for her to select the word she wants -- sometimes she settles for substitutes, and other times she just lets the thoughts go.  But just the same, it's a sweet time of conversation that I will treasure after I return home.  We have both enjoyed each other so much, and that's the sweetest part of this whole adventure.

Headache

June 9, 2020

Mom is complaining of a headache.  She last complained of a headache on May 29, and on May 30 she had the mini-stroke.   I am hoping this is just a good old fashioned headache, but I have my suspicions.  It looks to be pretty painful, but still she wanted to shine the sink before she got in her bed.  I offered to wipe it down for her, and then she was willing to go lay down.  We are going to rest and eat lunch a little later on. 

Deep Space Nine

June 9, 2020

I don't know any other way to say it. Deep Space Nine is really one of the worst shows ever -- right up there with Lost in Space.  Oh my gosh, I don't think I can take anymore.  But then, after I kissed Mom good night, she said, "Thank you for watching Deep Space Nine with me."  Sigh - I guess I can bear it a little longer.

Love your faces.

Ever-cheerful

June 10, 2020

Busy morning... we already got a shower, and thankfully, we have some time to watch DS9 before the new Physical Therapy person arrives at 11.  Mom is able to do more of the showering each time, and she is still willing to let me help as well. 

We talked about Dad and Cathy today.  We've talked a lot about Cathy.  About time in Tokyo and Okinawa. About Dad's job in California and about Dr. Miskibins (sp?).  I can't even imagine losing your 3 year-old daughter, and still needing to make life normal for two little girls with one on the way.  I wonder if that was the beginning of her ever-cheerful face, making the best of anything, so her kids won't be affected.

We are still blessed by her cheerfulness... still making the best of things, while we are shut away in our apartment.  Love your faces.

Get ready

June 10, 2020

So, today on Deep Space Nine, anything that people imagine is showing up on the Space Station, including Rumplestilskin.  I'm not making this up.  Each of the scenes are setup like sets for a play, and they are rife with overacting.  Right now, the Security guy is chasing a group of emus, aka Junghai jackdaws.  I am in video hell.

While sitting with Mom at dinner, it's hard to imagine that she won't just continue to improve.  Each day, she is getting stronger, mentally and physically.  Her sense of humor is sharp as ever.  Every day she comes up with a new place we should go.  I keep telling her that we can't go to that restaurant or go browse Walmart, but still, each morning, a new plan.  Karen, get ready... Mom has a few things she'd like to do when she moves... :)

Love your faces.

Want a balloon?

June 11, 2020

We have had a good day.  Mom did see some of the letters and numbers on the table while we were eating today, but it was brief.  She was really exhausted around 6:30, so we decided to call it a night.  While she was brushing her teeth, I danced behind her, and I must admit, it was getting crazier and crazier.  Finally, she looked up and said, "Do you want a balloon?"  It's a "you had to be there" moment, but it made me laugh so hard.  She's so funny.

I am here one more day, and then I head out on Saturday.  This really has been a neat time together.  Love you much.

False Alarm

June 11, 2020

Both Mom and I were so tired, so we went to bed early -- she at 6:30 and me at 9.  At 9:35, the fire alarm started blaring, along with bright flashing lights in every room.  Mom and I got up and met in the living room, both a bit disoriented.  I looked out in the hall to see a lot of other residents peeking out into the hall.  Yes, the alarm was blaring out there, too.  So I threw on some jeans, and we got slippers and a jacket for Mom, after we heard one of the caregivers say we all had to go downstairs.  Normally, you would head to the stairs under such conditions, but given that it wasn't an option for us, we walked to the elevator.  When it finally dinged on our floor, it was full of residents and their walkers.  As we were waiting for the next one, another caregiver came by and announced it was a false alarm.  So we headed back to our room, and as I am finishing this, the lights have finally stopped flashing.  Mom said she could go back to sleep... I, on the other hand, will be up for a while.  :)  Love you all.

P.S. After a few more minutes to think, I realize that I am not the person you want to be with in a fire situation.  Mostly, we just stood and looked at each other, and then finally I got dressed, but for the life of me couldn't find shoes.  I can so picture you guys hopping to, gathering Mom and being the first ones downstairs.  That's not me.  My kids have always said "in case of extreme emergency, find Tom."  They figure odds are I wouldn't make it.  Now we know why... :)

Sweet visits

June 12, 2020

What a great day.  We had 2 sets of visitors for the first time since Mom has been home.  First, Jenna, Jesse, Joe and Karen came by with flowers and a gift for Mom.  They stood in the parking lot below, while Mom and I sat up on the patio.  The boys sang Take Me Out To The Ballgame, with a little help from Jenna and Karen.  Such a sweet, sweet visit.  Later, around noon, Michelle, Gregg, Erika and Brennan met us out on the other patio, with an approved social distancing visit.  It was just so good to be out in the fresh air, seeing people who aren't paid to smile at you.  :)  Michelle brought her oh-so-famous pico de gallo, and Mom and I wolfed that down for lunch, with no apologies. 

I'm heading home tomorrow.  It's been a blessed time here, and I am praying for those same blessings on Karen and Mom, too.  Love you all so much.  So much.